Anne Hathaway's Catwoman is pretty cool. It is established early on in The Dark Knight Rises, when a goon pins her from behind and nods lasciviously at her towering stilettos: "Do those heels make it hard to walk?". "I don't know, do they?" retorts Catwoman, kicking him in the shins and bringing him down.
Stupid goon! You thought she was a helpless girl, but her footwear was her ultimate weapon – and now you're the helpless one! Catwoman then jumps out of a window and pulls off kickass taekwondo moves and other things that would usually be really hard to do in those shoes.
Yes, I know it's a comic-book movie and therefore "not real" and no, I don't harbour the same objections to the Bruce Wayne patent back-knack, rope-stretch remedy (salve your spinal fracture the hessian way!). But if heels are no impediment to heroic scampering, and are also such an effective ground attack in fantasy comic-book world, I would like to know why Wayne Enterprises hasn't cottoned on and started running an offensive shoemaking division in the basement. These babies ought to be the foundation of every Batsuit and Robin should be rocking his Louboutins through the streets of Gotham City.
That does not happen, though. Because in fantasy comic book world, it's not that high heels are universally useful, it's just that all their hobbling effects have been cancelled out, making it possible for Catwoman to be both sexy and supertough – even though they make you stick your arse and tits out, making you look more vulnerable (but also powerful, if you consider waggling your secondary sexual characteristics to be a power). Look, it's Batman, it's just morally complicated.
There is, though, something undeniably absurd about the idea that being a bit taller and a lot more wobbly is the definitive mode of female attractiveness. And it's not just temporarily inconvenient: high heels are awful for your knees. Dr Casey Kerrigan, co-author of a Lancet study into the effects of high-heels on leg joints, found that they are likely to contribute to osteoarthritis. "I had no idea how shoes could have such a huge impact on knee-joint torques," she says.
In other words, Catwoman is inflicting long-term damage on her joints, and might go from cat-burgling to walking with a stick. My humourless hope is that her future screen appearances are directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, who made Audrey Tatou an international star even though he chose outstandingly ugly shoes for Amélie. Indeed, Doc Martens are far more practical for both robbery and close-quarters combat, and (confidential to Catwoman) if your costume means that little Amélie Poulain could take you in a fight, it's definitely time for a redesign.
