Comic Book Guy

A parody of every self-employed, middle-aged man who gets away with working in shorts and a T-shirt, Comic Book Guy runs the Android’s Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop, where he enjoys lording it over pre-teen kids – he can tell them everything about every comic ever made. He has a master’s degree in folklore and mythology – for his thesis he translated Lord of the Rings into Klingon – but his black-and-white worldview separates everything into two categories: “Best [insert noun] Ever!” and “Worst [insert noun] Ever!” Although he lives with his mother, he was once married in an online role-playing game

Troy McClure

A washed-up Hollywood actor, McClure is the smarmy host of infomercials for shoddy products and low-quality educational films – no role is too humiliating. You may remember him from such films as Firecrackers: The Silent Killer, The Verdict Was Mail Fraud and Locker Room Towel Fight: The Blinding of Larry Driscoll. His acting career went downhill, due to some unusual proclivities: “Gay? I wish! If I were gay there’d be no problem! No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable it must be hidden from the public at all costs.”

Ralph Wiggum

The son of the police chief, Ralph is a dim-witted kid who wants to be a caterpillar when he grows up. A guileless oddball, Ralph is cheerfully oblivious to the world around him – and his own limitations (“Me fail English? That’s unpossible.”). His favourite food is school supplies, especially glue, and even though his teacher, Mrs Hoover, has little patience with him (“The children are right to laugh at you, Ralph”), he is given special treatment because of who is father is. Without knowing what a diorama is, he wins the Diorama-Rama contest with his unopened Star Wars action figures

Ned Flanders

Homer’s neighbour is a wearingly devout evangelical Christian: “I’ve done everything the Bible says – even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!” Flanders is also a self-appointed watchdog of the “horror of free expression”. When Kent Brockman drops the F-bomb live on air, he takes to the internet: “I’m imploring people I’ve never met to pressure a government with better things to do to punish a man who meant no harm for something nobody even saw.” He attributes his youthful appearance at 60 to “the three C’s: clean living, chewing thoroughly and a daily dose of vitamin church.”

Lionel Hutz

Springfield’s discount attorney runs a practice called “I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm”. He once represented Marge without wearing any trousers, and didn’t seem to have grasped some of the courtroom’s rudimentary rules. (Judge: Mr Hutz, are you aware you’re not wearing any pants? Hutz: Uh, your honour, can I call for one of those bad trial thingies? Judge: You mean a mis-trial? Hutz: Yeah... that’s why you’re the judge, and I’m the law-talkin’… guy.) Frequently sued for malpractice, Hutz is also a pioneer of alternative billing: “Cases won in 30 minutes or your pizza’s free!”.

Groundskeeper Willie

A parody of angry janitors everywhere who, despite hating his job, wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. The groundskeeper for Springfield Elementary has a predilection for coarse Scottish oaths and scathing putdowns (“You bath-taking, underpants-wearing lily-hugger”). He was trained to be civilised in the episode “My Fair Laddy” and became a substitute for the French language teacher – “Bonjourrr! You cheese-eating surrender monkeys!” In one episode he was caught watching courting couples in cars with night-vision goggles: “In Scotland, everybody does it!”

Mayor Joe Quimby

Joseph Fitzgerald O’Malley Fitzpatrick O’Donnell Quimby is Springfield’s corrupt Democratic leader. An opportunistic, heavy-drinking philanderer – he was once the subject of 27 separate paternity suits – the seal on the wall of his office reads “Corruptus in Extremis”. He can always be found in the wrong place at the wrong time, usually with a prostitute or taking a bribe, before reminding people to “Vote Quimby”. His love of overseas junkets is highlighted when he returns with a tan from a two-month fact-finding mission, having concluded that a high-speed rail link between Springfield and the paradise resort of Aruba is not viable

Chief Clancy Wiggum

It has been suggested that Springfield’s rotund, doughnut-loving chief of police has compromising photos of the mayor, which might explain how he has retained his job, despite his spectacular incompetence: “This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a … car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.” Like every other authority figure in Springfield, Wiggum is corrupt. When Bart bribes him with stolen wedding presents, he remarks: “Hey, read my badge!” On the badge are the words: “Cash Bribes Only.”

Kent Brockman

Boorish and sensational, Kent Brockman is Springfield’s premier anchorman as the face of Channel 6 News, where he also presents his personal commentary segment, “My Two Cents”. He is always desperately trying to break a story: “All right people, there’s an escaped octopus on top of Springfield Elementary. Let’s roll. Two cameras! … Once again, I’ve been had.” He has an ongoing feud with traffic reporter Arnie Pye, chuckling when it is thought that Pye has died in a helicopter accident. He can be relied upon to say the wrong thing: “If this is global warming, I’m out to run my car!”

Fat Tony

Fat Tony is boss of the Springfield mafia: “I don’t get mad, I get stabby.” His associates include Legs, Louie and Johnny Tightlips. In the episode “Donnie Fatso”, Fat Tony dies of a heart attack and is replaced by his identical cousin, Fit Tony, who soon gains weight under the pressure of running the Springfield mob and is rechristened Fat Tony. His office is the Legitimate Businessman’s Social Club, where Bart worked as a bartender. His wife was “whacked by natural causes”.