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Elizabeth Post of the Etiquette Family Dies at 89

Elizabeth L. Post, who succeeded her grandmother-in-law, Emily Post, as the doyenne of etiquette in repeated editions of Emily’s celebrated advice book, died Saturday in Naples, Fla.

If you must know, Mrs. Post was 89. She decreed that asking someone’s age was, at best, “a thoughtless question.”

Emily Post was not an easy act to follow. Drawing from her upper-crust upbringing, she wrote “Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage” in 1922. She wrote nine more editions before her death in 1960. The book was then in its 86th printing.

Elizabeth Post at first hesitated to follow a legend whose very name had become a synonym for good manners. But after reading several authors’ sample chapters for a new edition, she decided she could do better. She wrote the 11th edition of “Etiquette” and published it in 1965.

Elizabeth also picked up Emily’s syndicated newspaper column and for many years wrote a column in Good Housekeeping. She wrote more than a dozen books, including five editions of “Etiquette.”

Mrs. Post scrambled to keep pace with fast-changing times, addressing issues like when and where wearing pantsuits is a good idea. (Not at a luncheon, among other places.)

In 1975, in “The New Emily Post Etiquette,” Mrs. Post pushed many frontiers, touching on showers for unwed mothers and the proper wear for the pregnant bride. (“She may modify the virginal effect by choosing a definite off-white,” she advised.)

By contrast, in her original 1922 book, Emily Post had written that “no young girl of social standing may without being criticized go alone with a man to the theater.”

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Elizabeth L. Post in 1971. After the death of Emily Post, her husband's grandmother, she wrote five editions of “Etiquette.”Credit...Meyer Liebowitz/The New York Times

As she pushed in ever more liberal directions, the granddaughter-in-law even reversed Emily’s — and her own — judgment that taking doggie bags from restaurants is “degrading.” Elizabeth cited “starvation in the world” as a reason.

But many elements of modernity were too much even for Mrs. Post — divorce announcements for one. In an interview with The New York Times in 1973, she said: “A divorce is a record of failure, and you don’t usually announce a failure. Personally, I don’t think it’s anything to crow about.”

Mrs. Post saw that etiquette could too easily become a straitjacket. She did not see the point of men gallantly holding doors open for women, for example, or removing their hats in the elevator. Her simple proviso was that manners consist of trying to make the world a pleasanter place to live.

Elizabeth Lindley was born on May 7, 1920, in Englewood, N.J. Her great-grandfather was Cyrus Field, who laid the Atlantic cable, and her father a former vice president of the New York Stock Exchange. She graduated with honors from the Masters School in Dobbs Ferry, N.Y., but had no desire to go to college.

She married George E. Cookman in 1941. He was killed in a PT boat squadron in the Solomon Islands during World War II. In 1944, she married William G. Post, whose grandmother was Emily Post. In an interview with the trade magazine Editor & Publisher in 1967, Elizabeth said she had been nervous about meeting Emily but found her “the sweetest, most natural, warm-hearted unaffected person I had ever met.”

In addition to her husband, Mrs. Post is survived by her daughter, Cindy Senning; her sons Allen, Bill Jr. and Peter; eight grandchildren; and one great-grandson.

Some of Elizabeth Post’s advice was practical. During harsh economic times, she suggested, hosts should ask people to bring their own bottles to cocktail parties. She further proposed that guests write their initials on the bottles so that “heavy drinkers don’t go home with full bottles of Scotch.”

Some was controversial. La Leche League, an organization that encourages breast-feeding babies, sharply criticized her advice that the practice was best done in private.

She never hesitated to update her predecessor’s dictums. Emily wrote that a young widow should wear “deep crepe” for a year, then “lighter mourning” for six months, then “second mourning” for six more months. Elizabeth allowed as how a single season of grieving was plenty.

A version of this article appears in print on  , Section B, Page 18 of the New York edition with the headline: Elizabeth Post, 89, of the Etiquette Family. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

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